The Lady and I went out to dinner the other night. Our booth sat facing the bar. Directly in front of us sat a man and a woman. In short order, they had my attention.
The man was a classic dork looking character. Around the mid-forties, wearing a white long sleeve shirt, dark slacks, loafers, and argyle socks. About the only thing missing was a pocket protector. Though he may have had it hidden as not to scare off his apparent prey. Thin wispy hair was slicked back on his head, and he had a full set of natural horse choppers that were in full gleam.
The woman was about the same age. Stringy dirty blonde hair fell to her shoulders. She was wearing a red dress that must have been in her closet for a long time. And used during that time. It looked as if it graced her frame when she fit it a bit more flatteringly, and she just couldn't seem to part with it.
Bits and pieces of the conversation that I caught confirmed my suspicions; they were both teachers. Apparently there was some kind of regional get together and these two were out on the town and met.
He faced her, and as he talked, his body language was all, "I want to take you home and peel you out of that dress cause I haven't been laid since Reagan was in office."
Her body language told me she might have mace in her purse and wasn't afraid to use it. Though, by the looks of her, she didn't need it and would probably make better use of it as a breath freshener.
I asked the Lady to take a look at the interaction and give me her take on it. She agreed with my assessment. Scholar Stud was into "prime-line" time and pushing for a hook. And Grammar Girl was doing the "one-cheek sneak" off the far end of her barstool. But, as the beer flowed and conversation continued, things changed.
GG moved more and more onto her stool, and closer to SS. Whether it was due to her butt going numb (that happens when you put a lot of weight on a small area of skin), him breaking down her defenses, or the fact that she realized she hadn't been laid since the Reagan era as well, I don't know. Neither wore a ring or had a cheaters tan, so it would be safe to assume they were both available. And after looking at them, no other option came to mind.
Before long, he was tapping her shoulder as he made his animated comments. Then it was a lingering touch to the arm. Next thing I knew, they were touching each other, her hand was reaching out for his upper arm. And his stayed on hers.
I was distracted by the arrival of our food at that time. When I next looked at them, his hand was propped on his knee, and hers slid down his arm and came to rest on his thigh. He responded to this contact by sliding his hand over to the union of her thigh and hip. Which wasn't much of a jump as his knee was touching her leg by now.
I guessed all thoughts of that can of mace were long forgotten by those two. And replaced by the thought that they were both going to get lucky.
Possibly, all those happy thoughts were to get crushed. Another teacher, appearing to be in his late 20's sat down next to them. Noticing they were teachers as well, he struck up, or snuck into, a conversation with them.
All smiles and happy looks vanished with the introduction of the interloper. The tone of the chatting turned semi-professional. As it went on though, it was beginning to look like there might have been the thoughts of a three-some. Considering how much GG and SS drank, Young Teach might have been what would end up being needed. Somehow, I don't think SS would be able to perform in his current condition.
To make matters a bit more confusing in our people watching, a young couple took seats just down from the Scholarly Sex Scene. They were a treat as well.
He had rusty red hair in quasi-dreadlocks, cargo shorts and some Headbanger T-shirt on. To complete his "grunge look", he also had a good-sized curved barbell piercing in the septum of his nose. Very classy, even for the Mod groups.
His girlfriend was wearing an oriental top and bottom. Long flowing, side slit, ornate silk dress. The top matched in color, design, and slit. Closed at the neck and bodice, but wide open from a couple inches below the armpits. It didn't help that one side was held closed by a button at the armpit, and a safety pin just a couple inches below. A bad attempt to make the two sides of the top match in structure. The girlfriend was also noticeably pregnant.
And though she may have been small built pre-pregnant, now her assets were most noticeable. I think ever guy in the place was waiting and praying for a "wardrobe malfunction". I know I was.
And the rest of her matched the geek she was with. Hair braided on each side, no makeup, a kind of pasty looking complexion, and going for that "young girl Earth Mother" look. Add to that the huge tribal tattoo she had on the outside of her calf. Yup, she and her man were a matched pair. But, if you got rid of the tat and the nose ring, you could have picked them up and dropped them off right in the middle of Woodstock from 40 years ago, and they would have vanished in the crowd.
If Young Teach hadn't showed up, or if that safety pin failed, what a show it would have been. Unfortunately, the Lady and I had to leave.
Maybe we'll get lucky at the next show.
